


too bad that that's all i need

by cursingcursive (queenradi)



Series: honey, when you kill the lights and kiss my eyes [3]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Choking, M/M, Rough Sex, anyway, i'm not that sorry, more desperate philip who's shocked, more shameless porn, not me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 04:34:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8783347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenradi/pseuds/cursingcursive
Summary: Lukas reached out and pressed a thumb against a bruise at the base of Philip’s throat. “Ow,” Philip breathed, but he arched his neck into the touch and licked his bottom lip. Interested, Lukas pressed a little harder, watching the mark turn from purple to almost white. Philip whined, arched harder. Lukas took his hand away. “Some other time,” he whispered, mostly to himself. ---This is the "some other time".





	

**Author's Note:**

> can be read on its own, though i do recommend reading "hold me when i fall away" first for context ;)  
> title from troye sivan's song "too good"  
> special thanks to one of my best friends. she knows who she is. this is her fault.

Philip thought about it a lot. After the first time they fucked, he couldn’t resist watching Lukas walk away from him, to get a towel or something, and let his hand absently come to rest on his throat. It wasn’t even a conscious decision, not really. He just pushed on the spot that Lukas had pushed on, that aching bruise, and blushed hard when the sharp pain of it made him roll his hips a little in interest. 

“Fuck,” he whispered to himself. His hand fell away. 

“What was that?” Lukas asked, turning. He was messy and breathless and still blushing, stark naked and smiling at Philip like the sun was shining out of his ass. 

“Nothing,” Philip lied. He forced himself to sit up. “We showering or what?”

 

-

 

He thought about it  _ a lot _ . 

The bruise on his throat didn’t fade for a couple of days, and if he wasn’t paying attention one of his hands would absently drift up to it, press down until he sighed with the dull throb of pain it brought. 

At school he missed an entire announcement about homework because his every thought was clouded with the memory of Lukas. Lukas with his hand around Philip’s throat. Lukas with his hand around Philip’s throat, squeezing just enough that Philip’s breathing seized and his vision blurred. Remembering wasn’t nearly as good as when it was actually happening, but it was more than enough to put a blush on his cheeks and make his jeans too tight. 

He thought about it when Lukas kissed him into a corner of the barn that Wednesday, laughing against his mouth and playfully grabbing his ass. He thought about it when Lukas went down on him, groaning and throwing his head back against the wall and silently begging for a hand around his throat. 

He thought about it when Lukas kissed him goodbye that night, on Helen and Gabe’s front porch. The adults were inside, but it didn’t deter Lukas and his affections. Philip smiled as he was kissed, wrapped his arms around Lukas’s waist to keep him close. His mind was already spinning away, tripping over itself in excitement when Lukas’s hand came up and his fingers brushed Philip’s neck. 

“Bye,” Lukas whispered. He rubbed their noses together.

“Bye,” Philip breathed back. He swallowed thickly. Lukas’s eyes were dark. 

For a wonderful, blissful second, Lukas’s fingers tightened. 

Then he was turning and stepping off the porch and climbing onto his bike and riding off into the night. 

Philip thought about it again that night, long after he’d told Helen and Gabe he was going to bed, long after he showered and packed his things for school the next day. He thought about it vividly; put his own hand around his throat while fucking himself with two fingers, whimpering and whining as quietly as he could. 

His hands weren’t big enough. It wasn’t nearly as good as when Lukas did it. He came hard, though, squeezing his own throat and choking out Lukas’s name while tears welled up in his eyes. 

“Fuck,” he said to himself, after. “Oh  _ fuck _ .” 

 

-

 

He wondered if Lukas thought about it, at all. 

Sometimes Lukas would leave a bruise on his neck, high up by his jaw, and Philip would be lucky if Lukas stopped staring at it to meet his eyes even once. Lukas’s resolve always seemed to crumble, though, and a thrill would shock Philip to his core when Lukas leaned in and bit down on the bruise to make him whine. 

Sometimes when Philip went down on Lukas, in the slow and deep way they both really liked, Lukas would put one hand in his hair and the other on the side of his neck. Every time Philip sucked him down his thumb would press in, hard, and Philip’s eyes would flutter shut, fire scorching his nerve endings for one beautiful second. 

The weekend after their first time Lukas’s dad went on an overnight business trip, and Philip was at Lukas’s house in less than an hour. They lasted barely fourty five minutes before Lukas had Philip spread out on the couch, naked and gasping and rolling his hips down on three of Lukas’s fingers. Philip didn’t say a word, but Lukas’s hand still ended up cradling his throat, mouth shoved against his pulsepoint, desperation in every breath he gasped against Philip’s skin. They came like that, together, Lukas kissing Philip quiet and scratching his throat. 

Lukas had to know. There was no way he was doing it on accident.

Even so, Philip couldn’t bring himself to really ask for it. Hours before Bo was due to return he begged Lukas to fuck him one last time, begged Lukas to kiss him when he came, begged Lukas for everything except the one thing he wanted most. 

He left feeling somehow satisfied and deprived all at once. 

 

-

 

Philip was done waiting. 

At least, that’s what he told himself. 

Two weeks after the first time they fucked, the first time Lukas lightly choked him into an orgasm, Philip worked up the courage to put Lukas’s palm against his collarbone while they made out. If Lukas thought anything of it, he didn’t say it out loud. He just pressed down until Philip fell back on the bed, crawled over him and pushed his legs apart to grind down on him. 

He was done waiting, but he wasn’t done being nervous to ask out loud, so he settled for the constant weight of a hand on his sternum while Lukas blew him. It was too much and not enough and Philip was mortified to find tears on his face when it was over. 

 

-

 

“Are you sure they’re not going to come back soon or something?” 

“Please, it’s their date night. We’ll be lucky if they come back before sunrise. Or if they come back sober.” 

Lukas didn’t look convinced, so Philip added, “We could be fucking on the floor in the hallway and they’d just step over us and stumble into bed to have boring, drunk, married straight person sex.” 

Lukas made a disgusted face. “Thanks for the visual.” 

Philip laughed. “I’m serious. It’s fine.” He pushed at Lukas’s shoulders until he flopped onto the couch gracelessly. “We have time. Want to order a pizza?” 

“Thought I was here just so you could use my body,” Lukas teased. 

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re good for other things.” Philip sat next to him and dialled the number for the only good pizza place within delivery range. 

“Thanks. Glad to hear it.” 

The pizza was ordered and a movie was watched and Philip let all of it pass in a haze. It was hard to focus on much of anything when the only thing he could think about was Lukas. Lukas, naked. Lukas, fucking him. Lukas, naked, fucking him, and  _ choking _ him. 

God, Philip was going to die of embarrassment before he even got Lukas’s pants off. 

“You okay?” Lukas mumbled. He had his mouth on Philip’s throat and his hands on Philip’s thighs. They were still on the couch, stretched out languidly in the blue light of the silent TV. 

“Uhm,” Philip said. 

Lukas lifted his head. His eyebrows furrowed in concern. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “You want to stop?” He was already leaning up and away. 

“No!” Philip grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back on top of him. “No, that’s not it. I—” He stopped. His heart was pounding so hard it hurt. Looking at Lukas hurt, but in a good way. His whole face was soft, patient, his weight warm and his hands smoothing up to his hips soothingly. 

“Philip?” he said. 

“Fuck,” Philip whispered. He swallowed his inhibitions. “I want to ask for something.” 

One of Lukas’s eyebrows quirked. He smirked, interested. “Yeah? What is it?” His hips rolled teasingly against Philip’s. They were both well on their way to being hard, and Philip hoped that would make it easier. 

It did. 

“Remember the first time we— fucked?” He blushed. 

“Yeah.” Lukas’s eyes darkened, his smirk more dirty than before. 

“Well, uh.” Philip clenched his jaw for a second. He wrapped his arms around Lukas’s neck to ground himself. His voice shook when he said, “I want you to do what you did when we fucked. I mean, I want you to—” He forced himself to look Lukas in the eyes. “I want you to choke me.” 

It came out weak, came out terrified. Philip felt every inch of his body seize up and tremble in anticipation for Lukas’s reaction. 

“Really?” Lukas breathed. His mouth bumped Philip’s. “You want me to fuck you and put a hand on your throat?” He shoved his hips against Philip’s, pushing his thighs open more. “Want me to choke you, Philip?” 

“ _ Yes _ ,” Philip gasped. Their voices were ruined, wrecked, breathless and rough and the fact that Philip had pushed Lukas to that simply with his desperate request nearly made him come on the spot. 

They kissed bruisingly. Lukas shoved both of his hands up and under Philip’s shirt. His nails raked over Philip’s stomach, his chest, thumbs catching on his nipples and making him whine and arch into it. 

“You’re fucking beautiful,” Lukas gasped. 

Philip was shaking. It felt too good, too much. Lukas was going to break him. He couldn’t wait. 

Somewhere amidst frantic kissing and grinding and grabbing Lukas got rid of their shirts and Philip’s jeans. He was working on tugging down Philip’s briefs, too, biting at Philip’s chest, while Philip swore under him and writhed at every over the top sensation. 

“Fuck,” Philip gasped, realizing something. “Fuck, Lukas, all my stuff is upstairs.” 

“Damn,” Lukas groaned. He’d gotten the underwear off and was sliding his palm over Philip’s dick, making his hips jump and his breathing stall. “I should go get that, huh?” 

“Yeah, there’s no way I’m moving.” Philip laughed, gasping. His legs were shaking too hard, his entire body fuzzy around the edges with anticipation and pleasure. “Hurry the fuck up, baby, I want you to fuck me.” 

Lukas grinned down at him. He kissed Philip’s throat and then flung himself from the couch, scrambling up the stairs while yelling, “Don’t worry, you’re definitely getting fucked!” 

Philip laughed again. He draped an arm over his eyes, trying to wrangle his breathing to a reasonable rate, shivering with heat and the cold air of the living room. 

It was happening. It was going to happen. He’d asked for it, and Lukas had gotten excited, and it was going to happen. He was so ready he was trembling. His heartbeat was everywhere. 

Lukas tumbled back down the stairs. He dropped a condom and the half-empty bottle of lube on Philip’s chest and started ridding himself of his jeans and underwear. “That was less empty,” he said, nodding at the lube, “the last time we messed around.” 

Philip refused to be embarrassed. “That’s because I used it, dumbass.” 

The smirk he got in return was sinful. “Oh yeah? What’d you do?” Lukas slithered back onto the couch, between Philip’s legs and over his body. “What’d you think about?” 

Licking his lips, Philip wrapped his legs around Lukas’s hips and whispered, “I fingered myself and thought about you choking me. I’ve never come so hard on my own in my life.” 

Lukas made a noise like he’d been punched. He was hot to the touch, his hair falling across his dark eyes. Philip adored every inch of him. “You’re incredible.” 

Instead of replying, Philip ripped open the condom and rolled it onto Lukas’s cock with expert efficiency, fisting him a couple times just to hear him gasp and moan. He sucked a bruise onto Lukas’s neck and bit at the skin under his ear, begging without words for him to get on with it. 

Lukas got the message. He slicked up his fingers, tossed the bottle aside, kissed Philip hard and pushed two fingers into him right away. Philip whined, fire wrapping around his nerves, and let himself fall into the sensation of Lukas inside of him. 

“This what you wanted?” Lukas mumbled. He bit down on Philip’s throat and crooked his fingers. “I’ll do it right, huh? Better than if you were alone.” 

The stretch of three fingers was glorious because it burned. Philip threw his head back against the arm of the couch, clawing at Lukas’s shoulders. He rocked his hips up, pushing their cocks together, moved his hips back down to get Lukas’s fingers  _ deeper.  _ He was whining, gasping out “please” like it was the only word he knew. 

Finally, Lukas dragged his free hand up Philip’s chest. His knuckles brushed Philip’s Adam’s apple, pushed down against him when he swallowed. It was almost what he wanted, near enough that Philip let himself gasp out, “Fuck, please do it.” 

“Not yet,” Lukas whispered. He was blushing, his breathing heavy and hot, his cock hard and bumping Philip’s thigh because his hips kept fucking forward. “If you want me to stop, grab my wrist. Okay?” He leaned down and kissed Philip sweetly. “You gotta tell me if you want me to stop.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Philip whined. “I will, I promise.” He fisted his hands in Lukas’s hair. “Do it, fuck me, I’m good, I’m ready—” His heart pounded. It felt bigger than his chest. His ribs were going to break open from the force of his pulse. 

“Alright, okay,” Lukas breathed. He pulled his fingers out of Philip and leaned up and off of him. Philip watched him slick up his cock, eagerly taking in the sight of his long fingers wrapping around himself. He wanted those fingers on his neck. He wanted so much so badly he was going to cry. 

“You’re okay.” Lukas kissed his inner thigh, nosing at the sensitive skin. “I’ve got you, you’re all good.” His hands were gentle, sliding up the backs of Philip’s thighs and spreading him out. 

“Oh, fuck,” Philip choked out when Lukas pressed into him. “Fuck  _ yes _ .” 

Lukas collected his hands and put them above his head. “Keep them here,” he whispered. Philip nodded eagerly. His chest heaved, thighs trembled, little noises punching out of him with every slow inch of Lukas sliding into him. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to it; the stretch was amazing, broke something in his chest and whited the edges of his vision. 

When Lukas was all the way inside, his hips stalled, making tiny little movements so his cock nudged at Philip’s insides. Lukas was panting into his neck, lighting him on fire everywhere they touched. 

Philip clenched his hands where they were stretched above his head. He wanted to touch, wanted to grab at Lukas’s hips and force him to move. But Lukas had told him to keep his hands there, and he was going to descend into hell before he disobeyed. 

“You’re so good,” Lukas said into his shoulder. He was cradling Philip by the ribcage, pressing down on the heaving gasps that escaped Philip. “God, Philip, you’re incredible.” 

“Are you going to fuck me or what?” Philip rolled his hips down, desperate for movement, desperate to feel Lukas fucking him into oblivion. 

Lukas laughed, quiet, and leaned away until he was kneeling. He licked his bottom lip and stared Philip down, eyes dark and wide. With a smirk he gripped the back of Philip’s thigh and spread him out, his other hand slithering up to Philip’s throat. His hips moved in short, rolling motions, pushing his cock against Philip’s prostate and making him cry out on every single press in. 

This was what he’d wanted. Philip gasped raggedly, head tipped way back, eyes squeezed shut. His hands scrabbled at the arm of the couch. Lukas’s cock pressed into him hard and slow, Lukas’s hips hitting his ass and Lukas’s hands trailing fire over his skin. 

A hand covered his throat. He made a whining, keening noise. Lukas swore and tightened his fingers, slow and careful, testing the water. Philip forced himself to meet Lukas’s eyes, urging him on. 

He couldn’t breathe. The pressure on his throat heightened everything, made him more aware of every inch of Lukas’s cock, every pulse of sensation across his skin. 

Lukas’s gripped his throat hard, until he shivered violently, then released him. Philip gasped, tears sliding down his temples. His whole body jerked upwards when Lukas fucked into him, hard. 

“Fuck,” he whimpered. 

“Good?” Lukas fucked in again, hard and steady, like he was trying to break him. 

“Perfect.” Philip’s palms burned where his nails dug into the skin. “Don’t stop, please, keep going— ah  _ fuck, Lukas, harder— _ ” 

It didn’t seem possible, but Lukas managed to fuck into Philip so hard that he sobbed, his spine bowing, thighs shaking hard. Lukas grabbed his throat again, tightened his fingers around another desperate cry. Philip was dimly aware of Lukas sucking on his collarbone, was somewhat present for the aching feeling of being fucked into the couch. 

His mind was a mess of static and wildfire, every inch of him drawn tight and overwhelmed with pleasure. Not being able to breathe because Lukas had a hand around his throat only made it better. 

When Lukas let go again Philip was slammed with his orgasm. He sobbed out something like “please” and “Lukas”, and then he was shivering and crying and everything was made of heaven. Lukas was kissing him, on his neck and his shoulders and his collarbones. Lukas was still fucking him, steady and hard and deep, and his hands were shaking where they grabbed Philip’s thighs hard enough to bruise. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled. “You’re so amazing—” 

Philip couldn’t speak, could barely think. He could only move into every roll of Lukas’s hips, overstimulation shredding his nerves. His breath hitched, caught in his throat, came out as tiny sobs and desperate gasping. He didn’t even know what he wanted, anymore. It was just Lukas. He just wanted Lukas. 

Lukas, who didn’t last much longer. Lukas, who pushed in as deep as he could get and just  _ rocked _ , pressing up against the most sensitive part of Philip until he was whimpering. Lukas, who trembled violently as he came, swearing and gasping into the crook of Philip’s neck. 

Lukas, who brushed his fingertips over Philip’s neck in a feather-light touch, just to make him shiver and whine. 

“Oh,  _ fuck _ ,” Philip said with emphasis. He still couldn’t breathe right. He was still shaking everywhere, burning up from the inside out. 

“Oh, fuck is right,” Lukas agreed. He didn’t move from on top of Philip’s chest or the side of Philip’s neck. “You’re incredible. I can’t believe you’re real.” He squeezed Philip’s throat again, sighing, and Philip almost sobbed again in relief. 

Lukas kissed him, soft, on the mouth. Philip could taste his own tears, which wasn’t as weird as he thought it would be. 

“You cried again,” Lukas noted. 

“Leave me alone,” Philip said without heat. He brought his arms down from above his head and draped them around Lukas’s neck. “That was amazing.” His voice was rough. He figured that choking would do that. “I don’t think I’ve ever come that hard.” 

Lukas beamed in satisfaction. “Wonderful.” He kissed Philip again and pulled out of him carefully, mumbling, “You think they’ll know we fucked on their couch?” 

“Just toss the condom in my bathroom and they’ll never find out,” Philip replied. For some reason, it made them laugh, and Philip felt warmth spread through his body. It wasn’t the frantic fire and heat of getting fucked, it was calmer. Almost better. 

Lukas looked at him with an unreadable expression, his face soft and unworried. “Hey,” he said. He stroked the side of Philip’s face, thumbing away a stray tear. “Thanks for telling me,” he mumbled. 

“What?” Philip blushed. Breathing was getting easier, but his heart still pounded with ferocity. 

“For telling me you wanted this.” Lukas smiled shyly. “I don’t know. For trusting me.” He smirked. “For letting me choke you during sex.” 

“Oh my God,” Philip groaned. He pushed Lukas’s face away. “You’re so embarrassing. Get out. I’m never letting you fuck me again.” 

Lukas laughed. “Yeah, right. Sure. Whatever.” 

Somehow, they ended up kissing. Somehow, they ended up with Lukas’s hand resting on Philip’s throat, not squeezing, not moving, just resting. Somehow, they ended up with Philip mumbling “Thank you” into Lukas’s mouth, trying desperately not to cry again. 

Not surprisingly, they ended up in Philip’s room, falling asleep wrapped around each other, passed out in the middle of an almost-kiss and with Lukas’s thumb against the hollow of Philip’s throat. 

**Author's Note:**

> [here's my tumblr,](http://ronansracingheart.tumblr.com/) come talk to me about these boys. i love them a lot, as you can probably tell.


End file.
